Talk about workplace stress. OK, so there’s probably more to this story than the guy simply dropping dead from working too much. (He was a 45-year-old Toyota engineer who supposedly died from working extremely long hours trying to perfect the Camry hybrid.) I’ve read and heard lots of cruel jokes about this story, unfortunately. But it’s worth noting that this guy probably believed what he was doing was important. Innovative. Green. Worth doing.

Two questions come to mind: First, most of us work pretty hard. Does what we’re doing matter? Second, if you were to die from overwork, would you have died doing what you loved?

A recent New York Times column by Joe Nocera was interesting to me for two reasons:

1. I’m a new parent, and daycare issues are always on my mind, even though we are lucky to currently have family taking care of our child.

2. Having worked with Silicon Valley tech news for about a decade, I’ve read lots and lots — and lots — about Google, the Mountain View company with the do-no-evil mantra. So when anything with even a hint of negativity about Google pops up, I pay close attention. In this case, the piece was about daycare at Google. The imaginary siren above my head just went crazy.

Anyway: The short story is that Google apparently is raising the price of daycare after figuring out that it was putting out $37,000 a year to subsidize each child in its program. According to the NYT column, the new plan would have cost parents with two kids in the daycare nearly $60,000 a year. The company is paring the cost a little, but it appears it will be significantly more than the current cost of $33,000 a year for two kids.

In other words, newer — and presumably less wealthy — Google employees may no longer be able to afford daycare for their kids at their place of employment. While some people may not have sympathy for them because after all, they do work at Google, I agree with Nocera’s point that daycare is one of the most important perks a company could offer.

Daycare is not like a free gym membership, or free lunches. I don’t dwell on where I’m going to exercise. I don’t obsess about food. (Oh wait, scratch that last sentence. I cannot tell a lie.) But I do think about where my child is at all times. I think about what she’s doing, what she’s playing, what she’s eating, what she’s going to grow up to be like. Children’s care providers play a huge role in that. That’s why it’s important. And that’s why it’s disappointing that a company like Google, supposedly an advocate for all things that are right in the world, has chosen to go after child care. Of course the company should think about the bottom line. But it has a humongous bank account, and it might make for better business strategy to invest in the well-being of its employees and their families. If any company can afford to actually care about such things, it’s Google.

I am very fortunate to be able to work from home most of the time. I know many mothers — and fathers — who would like to do the same. It isn’t always ideal for everyone, though, and there are lots of scam artists out there waiting to take advantage of your desire to lead a more balanced life.

So how do you know where to begin looking online for legitimate sources of work-from-home work? Well, Sue Shellenbarger has done the footwork for you in a column in today’s Wall Street Journal. (No, they’re not paying me to promote the paper. I wish!) Anyway, I hope it’s useful to some of you.

Of course many moms out there have similar experiences with having to balance kids and home and work and life. But to me, it’s always eye-opening when I hear or read about someone else’s experiences or thoughts about it all. Case in point: If you read technology news regularly, you probably have seen a quote from Charlene Li, an analyst with research company Forrester. I always trusted her analysis, it was sort of like a comfy blanket — I just thought she knew what she was talking about. Maybe it’s because I’ve worked with business and tech news for so long, but I sort of think I know some of the oft-quoted people in those articles. Weird, but there it is.

Anyway, Charlene Li, who I just found out is also co-author of a new book called “Groundswell,” is leaving her job at Forrester, and here’s part of what she wrote in her Forrester blog about why:

Forrester has bent over backwards to be accommodating and flexible, but in the end, I have decided that I need to have greater control over how I allocate my time between work and family. As any working parent knows, there’s no such thing as balance – only a series of compromises on both the work and home front.

It seems almost wrong that she will no longer be dispensing her thoughtful analysis for Forrester. But I don’t know her personal circumstances, nor do I know whether she has plans to strike out on her own eventually. But what she says above rings true: I feel like balance is not achievable. Something always has to give. We can’t focus on too many things or we won’t do any of them well. Oh, there are a few moms who seem like they can do it all and don’t even break a sweat or think twice about it. But for the majority of us working moms, the word balance is an ideal that’s almost always just beyond our reach.

You might have the baby bathed and her hair combed and her new outfit ready, but your own hair needs a trim and you desperately need a manicure and a pedicure. You might make a delicious dinner one night but have to get take-out for the next eight days because you’re just too busy and tired, and your husband’s just as busy and tired. You might be a superstar at work, but your baby might hardly recognize you when you come home. It’s a juggle out there, and lack of time preys on us.

A recent sociological study says the opt-out revolution is a myth. Educated women are not leaving the workplace in droves, it says. One finding it brings up that I can definitely understand: Some women are leaving the workplace after they have their babies because they have no choice. Their employers won’t give them flexibility or the chance to work part-time. They agonize over their decisions, and try to find ways to keep doing what they love, but they end up “opting out.” Sounds so good, opting out — it sounds like a carefree choice. But it isn’t. You basically feel like you were kicked out of the workforce.

Another factor mentioned in the study is husbands. Some single mothers might not be too sympathetic about this point, because they are usually fully responsible for their babies. But some of us who have husbands or partners might understand why some women leave the workforce because of their husbands, whether it’s their attitudes about who’s supposed to take care of the baby or their lack of or inadequate involvement. I can see how some women might be so overwhelmed by all their responsibilities at work and at home that they feel something has to give.

One thing that’s disturbing: Some women who “opt out” seem to be using taking care of their babies as an excuse to leave a job they hate, or weren’t feeling particularly challenged by. In these cases the child-rearing seems to be a fall-back option. It’s almost like being raised by someone who just isn’t that into you. I just hope like heck these types of moms eventually find that raising their babies is actually a job they can love.

A post in The Juggle talks about companies that are actually extending parental leaves. Imagine that! The interesting concept mentioned in the post is a “future leave” savings plan, which lets you schedule payroll deductions if you plan to go on an extended leave. How innovative and heartwarming, practical and humane.

A recent Wall Street Journal article talks about how many companies are cutting back on maternity-leave pay and time off, compared with 10 years ago. This made me realize how lucky I was to be able to maximize my leave to be at home full time with my baby for the first 5 months of her life. And my circumstances actually gave me a tiny bit more time with her, because at the end of my leave I quit my job and didn’t get another one till a month later. Through a combination of longevity on my old job, which meant lots of vacation time and eligibility for maximum benefits, plus a little bit of money put away, I was fortunate enough to plan to be home with my baby for as long as I could, as a working mother.

However, I know not all mothers have the same options I did. When I hear of women who had to go back to work after 6 or 8 weeks, I can’t imagine what it was like for them to have to leave their babies at such a young age. I mean, when my daughter was 6 weeks old, she was so tiny and fragile, and we had some concerns about her weight. Plus — and this is a big plus — she hadn’t begun to sleep through the night. So not only would I have been worried about leaving her so helpless and frail, I probably would’ve been a zombie at work. (And I can get pretty grumpy when I’m sleep-deprived. Ask my husband.) I probably would’ve gotten fired if I had gone back to work that soon.

I’d be interested to hear how other mothers coped if you had to return to work sooner than you would have liked. How did you deal with it? Did you feel like your relationships at work and at home suffered?

This piece in Salon about a writer who worries about what her kids will think of what she writes about them is thought-provoking. I used to think of myself as a pretty private person. I mean, I can be a chatterbox, but most of the stuff I shared with others was just light-hearted banter. But since my daughter was born, I have started two blogs: this one and a photo blog about her. So I have put a lot of personal stuff out in cyberspace that virtually (no pun intended) anybody can read.

When my daughter’s old enough to read, she’ll be able to see how much her dad and I doted on her, how we photographed her every move. I wonder, since this will be pretty normal for most kids her age, whether she’ll mind. Whether she’ll want me to take it all down, or maybe just the embarrassing parts. In the Salon piece, the writer mentions another Salon writer who vowed only to write about his kids’ pre-history — that is, just the stuff they’re too young to remember. Might be a good rule. I could try to adopt it, but my urge to write, document, chronicle is pretty strong. (I recently ripped up a bunch of old diaries, ones I started from about 4th grade on.) My daughter might curse the day she was born to a journalist.

I haven’t had much to say in this space lately. The reason? I’m busy blogging elsewhere. I’m filling in for a colleague at work whose main job is to blog on Good Morning Silicon Valley, a tech blog. So that’s what I’m doing for the next two weeks, along with my regular job. It’s been crazy hectic, but definitely challenging and fun. I’ve had a few people call my posts idiotic or moronic, I can’t remember which. Maybe both. People can be quite passionate about their technology! But I’ve also had people send me nice, encouraging e-mails. I figure as long as there is both positive and negative feedback, I’m doing OK.

If you’re interested in business and technology, check out the blog, also known as GMSV.

And I’ll be sure to go back to blogging about working and motherhood soon.

This story on SFGate about someone scoring a year-long culinary residency is interesting. And makes me jealous, and my mouth water.

But besides that, this excerpt from the article got me thinking:

Indeed, a sentiment I encounter frequently is that we’d do better work if we could get away from our work more often.

How many employers miss the opportunity to take advantage of mothers coming back from maternity leave and how reinvigorated and excited they might be about their jobs? (Maternity leave can be like a sabbatical, except you happen to have a baby while you’re gone.) In many cases, once you’re on the so-called mommy track, you’re reassigned to a job with less responsibility, perhaps less pay. That is, if you’re lucky enough to be offered your old job back. Or many employers assume you’re going to want to “scale back,” and treat you accordingly.

What these employers may not realize is that some mothers are willing — eager, even — to work just as hard or even harder after they return from maternity leave. Because their lives have changed so drastically, they might want to hang on to their pre-mommy selves as much as they can. For many women, this means returning to the careers they have worked so hard to build and challenging themselves to achieve even more. I wish more employers actually got this.