Thinkingmama

So true, so true. At least for me! I thought I worked pretty hard before. Now, multiply that by a couple thousand and it might come close.

I DIDN’T WORK “FULL TIME” TILL I BECAME A MOM

–Seen on northbound I-5 near San Diego

Anyone who has ever struggled with motherhood and career should read “Mommy Wars.” It’s a collection of a couple dozen essays about motherhood and work and trying to make sense of it all. The main thing I took away from it: There is no perfect answer, no end to the mommy wars.

Yet many of us moms think about the juggle a lot, so it’s worth reading a book dedicated to its discussion. Most of the essays are honest, compelling and inspiring. If anything, they help remind us that we aren’t alone in our struggles, doubts and nagging thoughts about whether we’re doing the right thing.

I’m probably a perfect target audience for this book, because most of the essays were by journalists or writers. Just as they felt like writing about their internal — or, in some cases, external — mommy wars, I feel compelled to blog about it. Just as some of them feel that tug-of-war between career and motherhood, I feel the need to have both.

Some excerpts of note:

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I’m sure many mothers feel like a one-member SWAT team at times, but in this case, SWAT stands for “smart women with available time.” A Wall Street Journal article talks about stay-at-home moms who are basically on-call professionals. These former high-powered women — executives, stockbrokers, lawyers, doctors — are called in to complete special projects. Most of the tasks are assigned at the last minute, but the companies have faith that the highly educated and competent women they enlist are perfectly capable of carrying them out. Sometimes, the projects pay as little as $21 an hour, according to the article. But that’s not a big deal to some of these moms who used to manage $2 billion portfolios — they are in it for the professional and intellectual stimulation.

Sounds like a great deal for all involved, right? Keep reading →

This post from The Juggle (about a Wall Street Journal story on doctors rebelling against the notion that they should be available to their patients 24/7) makes me wonder: Has there really been a shift toward work-life balance? The story says there is a trend among young doctors who want to put their families first. But will these doctors be considered successful? Will their practices thrive? As far as I can tell, most people — in any field — who fail to put work above all else usually end up stuck near the bottom of their career ladder, or at least at a plateau.

An article in the Washington Post explores changes proposed for the Family and Medical Leave Act, which celebrates its 15th anniversary this year. The law protects the jobs of workers who take unpaid time off to care for a baby or sick relative.

The changes being weighed by the Labor Department seem stringent and cumbersome, but apparently stem from abuses of the law, including an example mentioned in the article of an Italian vacation made possible by a doctor’s note about the employee’s supposedly ill mother.

In this day of stagnant incomes, worries about layoffs and companies pinching pennies, it’s a shame the changes proposed would mean even fewer rights for American workers. I hope Congress is able to stall or eliminate some of the more cumbersome parts of the proposed changes and not let a few bad apples ruin the rights of those who aren’t taking advantage of the law.

I can see this going all kinds of ways. A recent study has found a correlation between a woman’s diet and the gender of her baby. (I’ve heard of this before, somewhere. I read and watch so many things I can never remember where.) Anyway, this is supposed to be new research that just confirms the previous findings of other people who research such things. The news article is here.

This is not going to help foster marital bliss. Some people are simply obsessed with determining the gender of their baby. After hearing about this study, a husband who desperately wants a baby boy might pressure his wife to eat more bananas, which, because they’re rich in potassium, supposedly help people have boys. (As an aside, I hated bananas while I was pregnant. And I bore a girl! That proves this theory!) Or worse, what if the husband wants to have a baby girl and expects his wife to consume fewer calories because that supposedly helps? Fewer calories mean eating less! I dare any husband to tell his wife she’s eating too much. He would be a brave, brave man.

An article in the New York Times titled “Prepping Children for the 9 to 5” explores the messages about jobs and working that children receive from their parents. It’s certainly something I’ve thought of before, as I wondered about what my daughter would think about her own work choices if she grew up watching me be a stay-at-home mom. Now that I’m working outside the home again, I feel better, at least so far. She will have an idea of what it’s like to be a professional, and I hope to send mostly positive messages about what that entails. Especially since I sometimes work from home, my daughter will definitely see what holding a job is like.

Even though I can’t say any job I’ve ever had has filled all my needs, here’s what I hope to instill in my daughter about working: Work to learn, to experience, to interact with others, to seek fulfillment, not just to earn a paycheck.

I’ve also thought about my own parents’ attitudes about their jobs.

Keep reading →

My new job allows me to telecommute at least a couple of times a week. I’m only on Week 2, and so far I can say it really is going to save my sanity. It saves me money and time, plus gives me a break from the (sometimes physical — can you say stiff neck?) stress that can come with a commute.

So it was interesting to read about the downsides to flexible time in this blog post from the Wall Street Journal. The poster writes about how people who are able to work from home often spend more time working because, well, they can. The line between work and home life gets blurry when you tell your husband you’re just going to log on for a minute and don’t turn off the computer till he and the baby are both fast asleep.

It’s too early for me to tell whether this is going to be a problem in my case. My first telecommuting day, I had to work on a special project. I was logged on from 8 a.m. to 7 p.m. I got to feed the baby during my lunch break and actually ate my lunch in front of my laptop. Was it worth the long day to have the chance to feed my daughter during lunch? I think so.

Yesterday was my first day back at work. When I left my daughter in the morning, I was OK. I felt sad but not heartbroken. I was excited about working again.

But after hours away from her, coming home was heaven. I scooped her up in my arms, held her as tight as I thought I could get away with without crushing her precious little bones, and cried. There’s nothing like coming home to a sweet, innocent, wide-eyed baby who has no idea why you have to go away in the first place. And yes, I know I don’t have to go away.

Being back at work was good, though. Even though I’m exhausted. Even though I feel a twinge of guilt every time I leave the baby. Even though I still want to make dinner every night and be superwoman, knowing I can’t be. But for now, I’m glad to be working outside the home. I like what I’m doing, what I’m learning. My family and I will work it all out.

Unfortunately, they called it Bay Area Moms (at SFGate.com), and boy, are some people upset!

Anyway, politics aside, it just launched and looks like it might grow to be a good resource for many of us. It even includes a place for people to start their own blogs, and through it I think I just discovered a blog that might be very useful for me. It’s called Spinach and Honey, and it’s a blog by a mom who’s trying not to feed her baby processed foods. A woman after my own heart! My own baby just started solids a few weeks ago, and I’m determined that she’s going to grow up with good eating habits. I just have to make sure our families cooperate.